As many of you know, I am in the middle of publishing my first book “Redesign”. It is all about restoring your heart so you can find restoration for your home. It gives you tools on how to do both of these things, which is the very core of how we function. If our home is in chaos, so are we. If our hearts are broken, so we break. And then what good are we if we are just barely surviving? We are called to thrive!
If you purchase and read my book (…please buy it when it comes out!;)), you will read a little about how my home life has been tested at times, as I am sure many of your home lives have been rocked at times too (we all have a story). But in this particular season, I found that my heart was being tested (interesting huh?).
In spring, a tooth infection brought about a racing and irregular heartbeat followed by a few other infections (Maybe I was just tired. Writing a book on top of the busy of life can be very draining). This continued for about a month, in which my dentist said “Maybe you should get some testing done with your doctor. I think there may be more going on here.” So, I finally went and got fully tested. Everything came back super duper healthy except for one of the tests. This lead to getting a CT scan where they found a small shadow on one of my lungs. Meanwhile, my heart was still going bonkers and my ECG also came back not great. They sent me for a stress test, which I failed, so they sent me for an echocardiogram. Again I failed that. I have felt tired and had some racing heart and chest pains, but never expected to hear that I would fail my test!
“Angela, you have failed the Echocardiogram. We need to see you first thing tomorrow morning!” said the heart specialist’s receptionist. I was in a daze!!! I couldn’t think or talk. I couldn’t process what was going on. News that my cousin had just passed away from a brain tumor made it even more difficult to register what was happening.
Have you ever had a health scare? It feels big. I had complete peace that the Lord was in control, but it was still hard to process. Ryan came with me to the heart specialist the next morning because I couldn’t focus. She handed me a list of heart meds. “Take these meds. We will be sending you to Vancouver for an angiogram to see what is going on, and they will be ready to place stints if needed.” She said there was evidence there was not enough blood flow getting to my heart. She thought it may be a blockage in one of my arteries, which was strange because all my levels were good and I try to be somewhat healthy, or it could be a birth defect.
Either option is not ideal, as that may mean a lifetime of medication and or stints. And when your only 38, I kept thinking I have a long way to go yet. Sometimes life happens though and we can be thankful for medical options that help us thrive in life. The fear of the unknown was so hard. I felt like if I knew what was going on I could deal with it and move forward, but I was plagued with the questions; Do I need the meds? Am I going to fall over with a heart attack at any moment? I was kind of hoping it was just anxiety, as you cannot revoke a blockage. When there is a blockage in the heart, it is there to stay and all they can do is control it with stints and or meds.
As we went in for the angiogram (Why is it named after me?) I was feeling anxious. It felt like there was no great result or news to bring home. At least when I was in the hospital to have a baby, yes there was pain, but you got excited for the sweet little bundle you could bring home with you! This was just the dread of the results. The sweet doctors and nurses kept saying ” You should not be here! You’re too young!”. I was surrounded by older gentleman who were going in one by one to get their tests done. Many resulting in stints or could not even be helped for their ongoing heart conditions. Then came my turn.
It was an amazing experience actually (I felt a little like I was in Grey’s Anatomy episode, or maybe it was just the happy juice they gave me;))! The doctor suddenly said “Great news! Your arteries are clear and I see no defects!” You are super healthy!” He was so excited to have a positive test, as I think positive tests there must be rare. The surreal part is my kids were at a youth conference this weekend and the theme was “Heart like heaven”- knowing the heart of God so you run to Him, instead of away from Him in the pain you are going through. My kids have been wearing these heart sweatshirts for days now! I think we have a theme happening, hey?
I am trying to wrap my mind around the results that my heart is healthy! Whatever the cause was, whether it was just a spiritual attack where the enemy was trying to take me down, or it was a complete healing. Either way, Gods plans are prevailing, and I am claiming this healing in the name of Jesus!
Sorry to scare all my beautiful friends and family on Facebook with Ryan’s post. It was not our intention to scare you guys. I felt rather shy to be the one in need, asking for help (I would much rather help others), but my amazing husband knew we needed as many people praying as possible. Pride has no place in a situation like this, and it looks like we truly needed an army of believers praying for us. And praying you did! So thank you! I wrote this to say thank you for your love, support, and prayers. I also wanted to share this story with you as so many of you had questions and concerns. How gracious and merciful our Lord is in the deep of the deep. Nothing is too big for Him and we are called to trust Him in our Job moments (I happen to be reading Job in scripture currently).
I can relate to Job’s feelings of oppression and complete brokenness, but God did restore him to full health and blessed him even greater as he came out of his difficult experiences. At the end of the book of Job, he says to the Lord;'I had only heard about you before, but now I have seen you with my own eyes.' ~Job 42:5Click To Tweet
Isn’t that part of the journey? To experience His redeeming love? To see the restoration of all things that were once broken and now are more beautiful than ever before? Isn’t that the refining fire He takes us through to make us beautiful? To take down the high places in our heart and to learn to trust Him fully? To know that we actually don’t have control, but can surrender everything to Him who has us in His beautiful hands?
The Lord never promised us easy. We live in a broken world with a very real enemy who tries anything he can to tear us down along with the testimony of Christ in our lives. What makes us different than the rest of the world? We have peace in the hope and a promise that the Lord will never leave or forsake us. He has good plans for our lives and calls us to be all we can be in Him to reach this broken world He loves so dearly around us.
Moving forward; I still need a conversation with my doctors, but I am just going to trust for a complete miracle that I am fully healed. I know God has bigger things ahead for us, and whatever I may go through, He is calling me to relinquish control and fear, and to trust Him with our lives. I also have a follow-up CT scan to check my lungs again and I am praying that too is absolutely nothing. So I would love your continued prayers through this season as I move forward to launch this book. Bless you, friends! I don’t think I have never felt so loved and cared for, which was so needed in these moments of the deep. Feeling useless can sure bring on depression with a vengeance. I pray for you too as I know many of you are going through your own big journeys right now. I pray that you too will begin to see and really know God for who He truly is and how much you are fully loved by Him.