MY SECRET TO STAYING (AND LOVING BEING) MARRIED

Our 20th wedding anniversary just happened this week! It feels so surreal to be here already. On my wedding day 20 years ago, I could only imagine what our lives would have looked like, and I feel like the life we have built together is 100x better than I could have ever planned or dreamed! I love this man way more than I ever dreamed possible. But it hasn’t come easy. It sure takes a lot of hard work and faith to get here, my friend… and the truth is we are never done. We have to choose every day to trust God’s great plan for us, laying down our will before Him.

We got a chance to head off to the absolutely beautiful Sparkling Hill Resort to celebrate together. This hotel is gorgeous with amazing views. It just speaks peace as you walk in the doors. You are actually encouraged to wear your bathrobe and slippers as you go for a super yummy full breakfast or rest in the fantastic spas!

Staying married sure feels like a huge accomplishment these days and is definitely felt worth celebrating for sure! Sharing a life with someone is no easy task, wouldn’t you agree?

We live in a fallen world with broken people, and life sure can feel like it tosses us to and fro at times. So the only advice I feel like I can give you today is… hold on my friend. Hold on to the only one that can anchor us through the storms. He is the one that restores, redeems, gives us strength to forgive and to keep fighting for one another… That is Jesus. He is enough. He is the one we need to keep our focus on and the details will always fall into place in His timing.

So I encourage you to lay down all your strongholds and expectations before Him and just rest. Rest in the one who refines us to reflect His glory. And as we learn to trust and know His great and mighty love for us, in return, we can love those around us unconditionally.

So, my friend, if you feel like your marriage falling apart or already has, I get it! I myself wanted to run so many times throughout our relationship. I am selfish and when I feel like I am being wronged, I want to run. But the truth is, marriage is so much like the picture of the unconditional love Christ has for us.

You see, when we least deserved, it, Jesus went to the cross to save us. He literally laid down His life for us! He loved us sooo deeply that nothing, absolutely nothing could separate us from His love! To the point of Him going through death for us to be able to spend life eternal with Him in heaven! Is that not the most amazing love ever? When we accept Jesus’s love and forgiveness, we actually become the bride of Christ! And together as believers, we await His return for His people.

He is quick to forgive us when fall. And just like in marriage, He wants us committed to Him first. He loves and craves and desires a deep intimate relationship with you and with me. The best part is, when we begin to love Him first and formost, we begin to the unloveable. This is a love that is seriously unexplainable. Amazing love isn’t it?

It may seem strange to put Jesus first in our lives, especially above our spouse or our kids but it’s true. When we focus on Christ first, our love for one another grows and grows deep! Because unfortunately, apart from Him, we cannot even come close to sharing true intimate love because our stupid entitled resentment, judgemental selves can quickly get in the way.

So in a day where are soooo focused on what makes me happy, it is extremely rare to understand what true sacrificial love really is, don’t you find? I sure do! But from what the Lord Himself has shown me in my own marriage and through my own times of complete brokenness, His love for us is so deep and sacrificial, He calls us to love just as He loved us first.

When we live totally abandon for Christ. Fully surrendered in His great amazing love, He is enough and His love spills out of us to love and forgive seventy times seven the one who can sometimes hurt us the deepest. (I feel like sometimes we can feel the worst hurt within our marriages because we are the most vulnerable and can have the greatest expectations there. We feel like it should be the safest place- in the arms of our love -but the truth is until we really know the heart of God- and even when we do -we are still just real people who are trying our best, but can fall short at times)

So after all of this… what is our secret to loving marriage after 20 years you may ask? Love. Jesus first, then each other.

“and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.”

Ephesians 5:2

As we grow in Christ, our true love in Christ grows for one another. We cannot do this marriage on our own. We are simply too selfish and entitled in this life, my friend. At least I can’t do it without the love of Jesus. I have tried! Marriage makes you holy as you grow in your selflessness and deep love.

Praying and fighting for one another has made all the difference. We have a calling in our marriages and that is to love each other just as Christ first loved us when we least deserved it. He will never leave or forsake us my friend so why would we do this to our spouse?

As my sister in law said God told her years ago…We would never divorce our own children and nothing can keep us from loving them so what makes our marriage any different?

It’s true, marriage comes with a set of expectations and rules but what if those rules were laid to rest. God just calls us to be in relationship with Him and share that love with others. Why can’t we do the same? Love when it’s impossible, share when it hurts, forgive when it’s unforgivable, and learn to be a little more like Christ. And none of this is possible without prayer. Prayer changes hearts and moves mountains. So pray for one another and put Jesus first. He will lead the way my friend. He is enough because where your spouse falls short, He will never will.

What is one thing you can do today to show unconditional love for your spouse, my friend?

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